Layers

When you get to know a lot of people, you start to become 'known' for something. People know you as 'the nice one' or 'the funny one' - they say things like 'oh, he likes expensive things' or 'she is a little spoiled' or 'he is the nicest person you will ever meet.' I guess we all have a dominant trait that we become known for. But in reality, aren't we all so much deeper than that? The nicest person in the world might also actually be the most selfish, and the spoiled brat who likes expensive things might just turn out to be the most generous and giving person when push comes to shove. So although this dominant trait helps people to know a part of us, there is no real telling of who a person really is when you only get to see one side of them. 

I learned this the hard way with many people. People I knew for years, people I grew up with and thought I knew...they just seemed to change over night. I think that is the only consistent thing in life is that there will always be change. Whether through people or life circumstances or both, change is always there. On the other hand, when we meet people for the first time or even just see them in passing we make judgments about them when we are only seeing a moment of their lives.

A lot of the time I feel like people don't know me very well at all, although they think they do. For as long as I can remember I have been known as the 'sweet naive' girl, which isn't a bad title. But when I got looks of tolerant affection or even unbelieving annoyance when serious conversations came up, I got frustrated. It seemed that because I lived my life with a smile on my face and a positive outlook, people assumed I had never had to deal with any difficulty or heart ache. I had a friend flat out tell me one time that she didn't want to talk to me about something because she felt like I wouldn't understand what she was going though. I think it is true that one person can't truly understand what someone else is feeling because everyone deals with their emotions differently. But we all have similar experiences and in this way we can use those experiences to get relate to each other.

A circumstance happened in the late fall, I was on the bus making my way home from work. It was crowded and people in cramped spaces can become easily irritated. I was standing and holding onto the support bar when I noticed a man sitting down a couple spaces from me. He had on a worn coat and a winter cap. He looked like he had sunken into himself somehow, like if he weren't sitting on the bus seat he would be a puddle on the floor. Most of all, to me he looked defeated and it pulled on my heart. I see a lot of people like this and it hurts me to see others in such pain and not having a way to help. Anyway, shortly after I noticed him, I noticed the tall can of beer he had in a paper sack tucked into his coat. It was open and as I watched, he very discreetly took a sip. Now I know that drinking in public is wrong and illegal, but I all I could think was; what happened to this man that caused him so much pain he couldn't wait to get home (wherever that might be) to open his beer? Another lady noticed and she began harassing him about the beer. Now I could understand her reaction more if he had been drunk or causing a disturbance but he was trying to be discreet and she just drew attention to him where everyone else probably wouldn't have noticed or wouldn't care. I felt bad for him, he didn't look up to arguing. After a few minutes of her badgering him, he just blurts out, 'my wife died last week, we had been married for 37 years.' His voice cracked just saying the words, but the woman didn't care. She kept heckling him because I think all she could see was another homeless drunk. When the bus came to my stop I leaned over and said, "I am so sorry for your loss." The woman looked indignant at me for saying that, and tried to tell me not to feel sorry for him; I didn't care. The minute we stop showing each other compassion and understanding, that will be when we have lost our humanity entirely.



Living in the city, I see a lot of people going about their lives and I try to see them for who they are as an individual; a mother, an artist, a father trying to support his family, or a student worrying about debts, just like me. The thing about people is we get so wrapped up in ourselves that we start to see other people as obstacles; a faceless crowd that we have to maneuver through. We forget that other people are actually people too. When you start to look at each individual person, you really start to realize that everyone has a story and a life they are living. One of my favourite Doctor Who quotes helps me a lot when I am feeling overwhelmed and bitter towards the crowds of Toronto and it goes like this: "900 years of time and space, I have never met anyone who wasn't important." - 11th Doctor


I think the old saying, 'you can't judge a book by its cover' really holds true, especially for people. Don't ever assume you really know a person because there is always so much more than you will ever see.

~Oriona



Picture and quote credits:

http://www.citynews.ca/2008/02/19/extra-ttc-buses-on-the-roads-to-cope-with-rush-hour/

http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/797906-900-years-of-time-and-space-and-i-ve-never-met

http://htekidsnews.com/world-population/