So Much!

So those of you who know me, know that my thoughts are really random and scattered. For that reason I find it difficult to narrow my blogs down to one subject that I want to talk about in a day. I also kind of find it redundant giving constant updates about what is going on in my life. I do like talking about that because really, who doesn't? But that is also what writing to one another or - if you prefer - facebook is for.

My new phone

So one thing I have wanted to talk to you about is my new beautiful flip phone. In my last post I wrote about how I was going to 'downgrade' to a flip phone. My reason for doing this is because I wanted to pull away from technology just a little bit because I found myself on my iphone all the time and I felt that I was missing out on the world around me. So I went and got the phone and it was funny because the woman at the store actually laughed a bit in astonishment because, as she said, usually the people who come in for this phone are people who work in construction or similar jobs.

I felt a little anxiety right before the switch, but once I had the phone in my hand it was like I had freed myself from something. I will admit that I do still have my old iphone, but I have deleted pretty much all of my apps and now mainly use it as my music player.

Having a flip phone versus a 'smart phone' has actually been very freeing and I am really enjoying it. Since I stopped using the smart, I have noticed that I am getting back into my other interests and activities I love.

My favourite part is that it is definitely more satisfying to hang up on people - I get a nice snap when shutting the phone instead of having to angrily poke the screen. The looks I get from people who notice my phone are quite amusing as well. Either they look at me like I have five heads for wanting to have a flip phone or they look at me in pity because - clearly - I can't afford an actually 'good' phone.

But anyway, I am just a week away from when I will be leaving for Peterborough to attend school and I am really excited and anxious about that. There just seems to be so many changes happening in my life right now that when I really start thinking about it, I get a feeling like I could explode! Lately too I have been feeling kind of restless. Sometimes I feel like I have gotten so comfortable with my life the way it is, that I am losing touch with who I really am/who I want to be.

Anyway, that is it for this post. I will probably post again once I get to Peterborough. I hope you guys are having a wonderful week.

Until Next time,

~ Oriona

Another Chapter

I know I haven't written in a very long time and that is because for a while now I have felt the need to withdraw into myself for some introspection. I started this process in a very dark place. Day after day would go by that I barely even got out of bed. The apartment got progressively more messy which only added to what I realized was a growing depression. I can't remember now exactly what triggered it. Maybe it was a collection of a lot of things that just came crashing down on me. I woke up one day and decided that no matter what life was throwing at me, I had to be stronger than what I was being - that I AM stronger than that. I started with baby steps, setting little goals for myself. I got better but I wasn't tip top until Scott and I came back from our annual "camping retreat." I've gone there every year my entire life but this time really changed me. I gained new perspective on myself and I was able to let go of a lot of things that have been holding me back for a long time. 

So now I am starting a new chapter. I am going back to school and that means I am moving to Peterborough for the school year. I will be on my own for a while and I know it will be hard to be away from Scott, but I am looking forward to taking the time for myself. I think it is important for people to get to know themselves completely, become independent, and learn to love themselves and enjoy their own company. That way when they come into a relationship, they are coming as two complete individuals who make up an equal partnership. This year will be for me to get to know myself again and take time to improve myself in all the ways I feel are necessary.

I have been making my lists and getting prepared for going away - I'm really excited to get on with life. I have also made another decision for myself that even though I know it will be really good for me overall, I am already starting to feel the tug of anxiety from withdrawal. The decision is to downgrade from my iphone to a flip phone and to generally pull back a few steps from technology. I'll still use my computer and stuff, but I don't want to constantly be plugged in. Today I called my phone company and changed my plan to a basic talk and text and when I finish this post I will be heading out to go and get my new phone. 

Let me explain my decision a bit more in depth. I have realized that since I got this phone, I have gradually stopped doing things I used to love such as writing, reading actual books, painting, crafting, etc. Replacing all those things with browsing the internet on my phone. I don't like that at all and I want to get back to myself again. I also want to pull back from facebook - which I have in a way because I don't post too much on there - but I want to take it a step further and get back to old fashioned pen and paper for keeping in touch with people.

I know what a lot of people are thinking now, 'I always knew that Oriona was weird, but now she's just gone absolutely bonkers.' But before you are too quick to judge, I just want to say that I find communication has become so accessible that it has also become superficial. I go on facebook every day and I look at what other people post and then I get off. I don't actually talk to anyone really anymore and that's because I don't feel the need to - all my questions are answered one I log in. Actually talking to someone would feel redundant. I'm really not good at keeping in touch and when I realize that fully, it breaks my heart and makes me question myself as a person.

Do you know I have never sent any of my siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, or nieces and nephews a card for their birthday even? To be honest, I only have about 5 people's birthday's memorized including my own. It makes me sick that I need facebook to remind me when my own brother or sister's birthday is because apparently I don't care enough to remember or at least write it
on a calendar. 

Sorry for the rant, but I miss the days of laying in my room or out in the yard just reading - just doing that - not checking my phone for messages or quickly checking facebook for - I don't even know what. I want those days back of being able to concentrate and not being so divided. I want to be able to take the time, thought, and effort to send someone a letter saying that I miss and love them. I want each action to have meaning and thought behind it. I am tired of experiencing my life through my devices. I'll still have my internet, but from now on I want to use my computer as a tool, not a lifestyle.

In other news, I am sure some of you may have heard of the fund raiser I started for my mom. She is in a pretty tough spot right now, but this fundraiser has really given her a new spark of hope. So far we have raised over $300 and that has helped her in more ways than just financial. I had been talking to her for a few days after she lost her job and I could hear her spirit just fading, she sounded so defeated. Then I told her about the fund raiser and that started bringing her back and once we got the first couple of donations I started hearing hope and joy back in her voice. When I got off the phone with her that time I started crying my eyes out because I felt like I had almost lost her again. But now she's coming back again and that makes me so relieved and happy.

Anyway, I am going to try and get myself back to posting on a semi-regular basis. I hope you are all doing well. 

Lots of Love
Oriona Star Woman

1000 VIEWS!!!

I woke up this morning and saw that The Starchild Diaries has now surpassed 1000 views! I just want to say a quick thank you to you guys for all your support! 

Lots of Love!

~Oriona

I am Not an Object

Article - Stop Telling Women to Be Afraid by Bianca Hall

I am so sick of the unwanted attention I receive almost every time I leave my apartment. Scott and I run on different schedules so it's impossible for him to be with me all the time. But he shouldn't have to be and I shouldn't feel the need to always have another person there to feel safe. It's sad that every time I am going somewhere, even if it's just the 2-3 blocks up to the grocery store, I have developed the habit of calling my mom or a friend or just anyone so I don't feel so alone when I am walking by myself. Most days I even try to dress down because I am afraid if I look too nice it will make it worse.

When I am walking alone, men will pull up in cars and call out to me, try to call me over. They tell me they 'like how I look' or that 'I have a nice shape.' They look me up and down like I am a piece of meat and it turns my stomach. I mean, it's one thing if a guy wants to ask me out and he does it by striking up a conversation then asks me out. I would obviously decline because I am already spoken for, but that's the polite way to show a girl interest. Not rolling by and slowly following her in your (serial killer) van repeating over and over 'I love that ass, I love that ass.' - that is actually what just happened to me as I was coming home from work today.

For some reason, the bus I was riding on my way home was going out of service the stop before mine so everyone had to get off. The weather isn't too bad so I just decided to walk the one block to our apartment building. Like usual when I have to walk by myself, I was talking to my mom on the phone and I walk by this little strip mall and a white van is just leaving. I hear the guy driving saying something but I don't really pay attention. Then he gets louder and I hear "OH WOW! I love that ass." And then he just keeps calling that out to me over and over. I tried to tell him to stop, but he didn't listen and just kept following me in his van slowly, watching me walk and continuing to call out to me. Even though I was on the phone with my mom I felt so vulnerable because there was nothing I could do to make him stop. I felt so violated. I was just walking down the street, and it wasn't even like he was interested in me, he just saw me as some live entertainment. A white girl with a ghetto booty - as people have referred to my backside curve before.

Normally I just try to ignore this kind of thing, but it happens so often I just got frustrated. Today was the last straw and when I got home, try as I might, I couldn't hold back the tears and I bawled for a good long while. I hate feeling vulnerable and I resent being treated like less of a person because of women being over-sexualized in the media.

I think women should be free to be who they are, express themselves, dress how they want, and just be without the fear that somehow we are going to attract attention that we don't want. What drives me crazy is that some people would blame me, as if I have any control over what other people think or how they act. Women are blamed a lot for these kinds of things and worse because people ask things like 'what was she wearing?' - In my case, long black pants a coat and scarf (racy, I know *sarcasm*). The bottom line, it isn't the fault of the person being assaulted - ever. No one asks to be hurt or harassed like that, no one wants that kind of attention forced on them. I certainly didn't feel like crying after work today - I just wanted some lunch. I don't want to feel afraid to walk by myself every time I leave my apartment, but experience of living in this area has taught me to be.

One guy got mad at me because apparently he said hi to me a lot and I didn't remember him and I was also trying to get away from him because I didn't want to talk to him and he said I was being rude, like I am obligated to be nice and talk to a guy giving me really unwanted attention. Other than having the body type I was born with and you know, going out into society like a normal person, I don't do anything to consciously attract this attention. Most of the time it feels like a surprise attack.

I don't know what to do or how to deal with this when it happens because its like a hit-and-run kind of thing. Maybe ignoring it is my best bet until society matures a bit more and the general heterosexual male populous learns that treating women like objects is flat out not okay. That is the kind of mentality that leads to rape.

What makes me really sick is that the media influences people to do all kinds of things. They influence people to look, act, and dress a certain way. It feels like a vicious circle because girls are taught to be a certain way and guys are taught that girls who dress that way are 'easy pickings' but girls are just trying to be fashionable. Personally, I don't follow trends and I dress for myself. Either way, I can't win.

I just needed to vent and get this out there somehow because what else can I really do? Thanks for reading.


P.S. I love this song and will probably listen to it on repeat today.

Try - Colbie Caillat

Oh...and probably this one too:

U + Ur Hand - P!NK

Starting a Business is Hard

So I am mentally banging my head against a wall in frustration. You guys might have read my other blog posts about my previous business ventures, the latest one being home made soap. It hasn't panned out and for a few reasons I doubt that I will be revisiting that idea any time soon. However, I am trying to get something else going, some of you may have seen my Facebook page Starchild Creations. Basically it is crafts and stuff that I make/am going to make in the future. I am starting online and hope to expand to wholesale and craft shows in the future.

New Business Card

But because I am not 12 anymore and I want this to be a legit business, it is going to take a lot more than just setting up a stand in the front yard (not that I even have one because we live in an apartment). Right now I am trying my best to set up an Etsy shop which is fairly straight forward but there is a lot that goes into it before I actually want to start posting things for sale.  For instance, the shop policies. I have never written store policies before and I want to be clear and all-encompassing and fair, and I did try my best to do that, providing information that I think is applicable to my shop. I am sure that there will be things in the future that will lead me to add or edit my policies. The thing that has me the most head-bangingly frustrated though is shipping. Trying to mail something in Canada and trying to get information from the post office about how to calculate costs is like pulling teeth.

Slot of Doom

I spent most of today online and on the phone with various Canada Post representatives trying just to figure out the dimensions of the 'slot of doom' as I have seen it being called on various Etsy and general discussion boards. By the way if you were wanting to know it is: length - 380mm X width - 270mm X height - 20mm. That's millimeters for my American readers - not that I think you would need to know because you guys have that awesome flat-rate shipping, but just in case you were wondering. I took the measurements and made my own cardboard 'slot of doom.'

Anyway, if a package doesn't fit through the 'slot of doom' or if it is over 500 grams in weight, then it becomes a small parcel package. Then in order to calculate the cost of shipping - in addition to size and weight, you also have to know where it is going which is hard if you are selling online and don't happen to know which really awesome person is going to want to buy from you.

SO I was then recommended this thing for businesses called Canada Post web services or something. Anyway it is some kind of software for businesses that hooks up to your Etsy (or other online selling website) and calculates shipping based on the item and where the customer is coming from so they can see how much shipping is. Now I am just trying to figure out how to install this thing and I can't so far. Their 'technical support' was no help but I got an email with another number so I am going to call them tomorrow and see if I can get someone to walk me through it. Once I know how to do it I am going to endeavour to post a tutorial to help others in the future who struggle with the same thing.

AND THEN apart from the oh-so-delightful phone and internet stuff, it was -14*C today. Not too bad, but the windchill made it hella cold. I did not think about this as I ran out the door with only my coat and scarf in search of the John Bead craft supply store that mom recommended to me. It was so freezing cold out at one point I got an ice headache - no joke. The pain was real, and all I could think about while trekking through the cold snow in soft fabric shoes, fighting the painfully cold wind, was how much I want my business to be a success. Wanna know what I was going for? Bead caps and eye pins so I can make these:

into necklaces. I found out however, when I got to John Bead, that they were closed. Oh, it was wonderful. *sarcasm* I actually said out loud 'no, no, NO!!' - complete with the defeated smack of my hand against the unyielding cold of the locked door. Then I thought, 'hey! I'll just go to Walmart!' - This is where I got the ice headache - and only to find that nope! Walmart didn't have them!

 The good news is that I did get some business cards done and a couple test-cards to go with the Stone People Medicine. They don't fold right though...but that (I have to keep telling myself) is a problem to be solved another day.

On the short term, I know how much shipping will cost for the stones that fit through the slot of doom so I will be able to get those up hopefully tonight. Tomorrow I will be leaving early to make sure I don't miss old Johnny boy (John Bead) and then I will be getting the caps and pins and by tomorrow I plan on having some necklaces up. Also some earrings because I found a bag of carved feather charms that came from my dad's crafting stuff. I know he wouldn't want them just sitting around in my crafting things when they could be used to provide for his family so that is what I am going to do.

That's another thing I always admired about my dad, he was never greedy. He got what he needed to survive and be successful but that was it. He never really needed material things and whatever he had he usually gave it away when he found someone that he felt it was really meant for. He took his worldly pleasures from the simple things in life, like having his eggs and coffee done the way he liked. Anyway I feel myself getting emotional and I would rather not cry over my key board. Well, too late I guess, lol. It's been a long day. I miss my dad.

Hope you have a good night - stay warm
Oriona

800 VIEWS!!!

Oh my goodness, I just recently looked at my statistics for my blog and realized that The Starchild Diaries is now just past 800 views!! Thank you guys so much for all the support! I really can't express how amazing it is for me that so many people read my blog. When I started it I honestly thought that it wouldn't really amount to anything and I really doubted that very many people would want to read it. This is mainly because I know that my blog - like me - is really all over the place, sometimes I am joking and sometimes I am serious and sometimes I am just weird.  But I was surprised when some of my readers either messaged me or came up to me in person and, if I hadn't written in a while, would point it out to me - they noticed and what's more, they were looking forward to my next post. That struck me as truly amazing and wonderful and made me feel really good about what I was doing. 

I share a lot about myself on this blog, my feelings, thoughts, ideals, and experiences. It doesn't really have a theme, but it is all about my life and who I am as a person. I am really happy that I get to share all this with you. I hope you continue to enjoy to read my articles and one day I hope you enjoy reading my books. :) Again I just want to thank you guys so, so much for all the support - from the bottom of my heart. <3

- Oriona

Valentine's Month - February

Ah, February in Canada, nothing says romance quite like the freezing cold air that makes my face hurt. Not to mention the lovely snow that recently got dropped on us is just ever so delightful in my soaking wet boots. I guess you could say though that this kind of weather is perfect for...cuddling though. ;)

Valentine's Day is just on the 15th, but just like every other major holiday it has become hugely commercialized, and preparation for the day of hearts and flowers begins even before they have played out every single version of our beloved holiday tunes on the radio. Remember the good old days where it was just boxing day? Then it turned into boxing week, and then boxing month which miraculously also stretched way past that - but anyway, I digress. This is going to be an interesting February I think, with the film adaptation of 50 Shades of Grey coming out on - you guessed it - Valentine's Day! I will admit I have read all three books along with the other 99% of the world's heterosexual female population. It doesn't surprise me that the book was and is so popular, I feel like it is becoming more widely acceptable for women to be comfortable with their sexuality. For us not to feel ashamed of ourselves and what we choose to do with our bodies. I laugh when I remember a conversation I had with my adopted grandmother and her absolute shock when I exclaimed that 'I would never marry a guy without sleeping with him first!' - that's like buying a car without test driving it! My mother raised me to feel comfortable with my own body and it makes me sad when I talk to some of my friends and learn that not only are they uncomfortable, but they are also ashamed!

But anyway, I feel a rant coming on and right now I want to talk about VALENTINE'S DAY!! yay woot woot and all that... Anyway, yes, I would say that 50 Shades of Grey was a lot like many romance novels, just a lot more blunt and descriptive. I like that it made openness of sexuality more main stream and I think it will be remembered in history for being a game changer but not as any real literary masterpiece. I mean let's be honest, it started as Twilight fan fiction... enough said. Needless to say that on my other blog Media Reviews by Oriona, although I will not be reviewing the book, I will however be reviewing the movie. I just have to, as a blogger hoping to make a name for myself I would be stupid not to review this movie! I might even make an effort to go on opening day, brave the crowds of hormone crazed ladies who are pining to finally see Christian Grey on the big screen.

For those of you actually celebrating Valentine's Day, have fun and try not to cave under the relentless pressure from the media to buy bigger and more expensive. It is just a day to celebrate love and show extra appreciation for that special someone.

I know that when I post this Valentine's Day is over and I hope you had a good one :)
~Oriona






Photo credits:

https://plumatinteroypapell.wordpress.com/2013/06/25/the-note-english/