I am Not an Object

Article - Stop Telling Women to Be Afraid by Bianca Hall

I am so sick of the unwanted attention I receive almost every time I leave my apartment. Scott and I run on different schedules so it's impossible for him to be with me all the time. But he shouldn't have to be and I shouldn't feel the need to always have another person there to feel safe. It's sad that every time I am going somewhere, even if it's just the 2-3 blocks up to the grocery store, I have developed the habit of calling my mom or a friend or just anyone so I don't feel so alone when I am walking by myself. Most days I even try to dress down because I am afraid if I look too nice it will make it worse.

When I am walking alone, men will pull up in cars and call out to me, try to call me over. They tell me they 'like how I look' or that 'I have a nice shape.' They look me up and down like I am a piece of meat and it turns my stomach. I mean, it's one thing if a guy wants to ask me out and he does it by striking up a conversation then asks me out. I would obviously decline because I am already spoken for, but that's the polite way to show a girl interest. Not rolling by and slowly following her in your (serial killer) van repeating over and over 'I love that ass, I love that ass.' - that is actually what just happened to me as I was coming home from work today.

For some reason, the bus I was riding on my way home was going out of service the stop before mine so everyone had to get off. The weather isn't too bad so I just decided to walk the one block to our apartment building. Like usual when I have to walk by myself, I was talking to my mom on the phone and I walk by this little strip mall and a white van is just leaving. I hear the guy driving saying something but I don't really pay attention. Then he gets louder and I hear "OH WOW! I love that ass." And then he just keeps calling that out to me over and over. I tried to tell him to stop, but he didn't listen and just kept following me in his van slowly, watching me walk and continuing to call out to me. Even though I was on the phone with my mom I felt so vulnerable because there was nothing I could do to make him stop. I felt so violated. I was just walking down the street, and it wasn't even like he was interested in me, he just saw me as some live entertainment. A white girl with a ghetto booty - as people have referred to my backside curve before.

Normally I just try to ignore this kind of thing, but it happens so often I just got frustrated. Today was the last straw and when I got home, try as I might, I couldn't hold back the tears and I bawled for a good long while. I hate feeling vulnerable and I resent being treated like less of a person because of women being over-sexualized in the media.

I think women should be free to be who they are, express themselves, dress how they want, and just be without the fear that somehow we are going to attract attention that we don't want. What drives me crazy is that some people would blame me, as if I have any control over what other people think or how they act. Women are blamed a lot for these kinds of things and worse because people ask things like 'what was she wearing?' - In my case, long black pants a coat and scarf (racy, I know *sarcasm*). The bottom line, it isn't the fault of the person being assaulted - ever. No one asks to be hurt or harassed like that, no one wants that kind of attention forced on them. I certainly didn't feel like crying after work today - I just wanted some lunch. I don't want to feel afraid to walk by myself every time I leave my apartment, but experience of living in this area has taught me to be.

One guy got mad at me because apparently he said hi to me a lot and I didn't remember him and I was also trying to get away from him because I didn't want to talk to him and he said I was being rude, like I am obligated to be nice and talk to a guy giving me really unwanted attention. Other than having the body type I was born with and you know, going out into society like a normal person, I don't do anything to consciously attract this attention. Most of the time it feels like a surprise attack.

I don't know what to do or how to deal with this when it happens because its like a hit-and-run kind of thing. Maybe ignoring it is my best bet until society matures a bit more and the general heterosexual male populous learns that treating women like objects is flat out not okay. That is the kind of mentality that leads to rape.

What makes me really sick is that the media influences people to do all kinds of things. They influence people to look, act, and dress a certain way. It feels like a vicious circle because girls are taught to be a certain way and guys are taught that girls who dress that way are 'easy pickings' but girls are just trying to be fashionable. Personally, I don't follow trends and I dress for myself. Either way, I can't win.

I just needed to vent and get this out there somehow because what else can I really do? Thanks for reading.


P.S. I love this song and will probably listen to it on repeat today.

Try - Colbie Caillat

Oh...and probably this one too:

U + Ur Hand - P!NK

Starting a Business is Hard

So I am mentally banging my head against a wall in frustration. You guys might have read my other blog posts about my previous business ventures, the latest one being home made soap. It hasn't panned out and for a few reasons I doubt that I will be revisiting that idea any time soon. However, I am trying to get something else going, some of you may have seen my Facebook page Starchild Creations. Basically it is crafts and stuff that I make/am going to make in the future. I am starting online and hope to expand to wholesale and craft shows in the future.

New Business Card

But because I am not 12 anymore and I want this to be a legit business, it is going to take a lot more than just setting up a stand in the front yard (not that I even have one because we live in an apartment). Right now I am trying my best to set up an Etsy shop which is fairly straight forward but there is a lot that goes into it before I actually want to start posting things for sale.  For instance, the shop policies. I have never written store policies before and I want to be clear and all-encompassing and fair, and I did try my best to do that, providing information that I think is applicable to my shop. I am sure that there will be things in the future that will lead me to add or edit my policies. The thing that has me the most head-bangingly frustrated though is shipping. Trying to mail something in Canada and trying to get information from the post office about how to calculate costs is like pulling teeth.

Slot of Doom

I spent most of today online and on the phone with various Canada Post representatives trying just to figure out the dimensions of the 'slot of doom' as I have seen it being called on various Etsy and general discussion boards. By the way if you were wanting to know it is: length - 380mm X width - 270mm X height - 20mm. That's millimeters for my American readers - not that I think you would need to know because you guys have that awesome flat-rate shipping, but just in case you were wondering. I took the measurements and made my own cardboard 'slot of doom.'

Anyway, if a package doesn't fit through the 'slot of doom' or if it is over 500 grams in weight, then it becomes a small parcel package. Then in order to calculate the cost of shipping - in addition to size and weight, you also have to know where it is going which is hard if you are selling online and don't happen to know which really awesome person is going to want to buy from you.

SO I was then recommended this thing for businesses called Canada Post web services or something. Anyway it is some kind of software for businesses that hooks up to your Etsy (or other online selling website) and calculates shipping based on the item and where the customer is coming from so they can see how much shipping is. Now I am just trying to figure out how to install this thing and I can't so far. Their 'technical support' was no help but I got an email with another number so I am going to call them tomorrow and see if I can get someone to walk me through it. Once I know how to do it I am going to endeavour to post a tutorial to help others in the future who struggle with the same thing.

AND THEN apart from the oh-so-delightful phone and internet stuff, it was -14*C today. Not too bad, but the windchill made it hella cold. I did not think about this as I ran out the door with only my coat and scarf in search of the John Bead craft supply store that mom recommended to me. It was so freezing cold out at one point I got an ice headache - no joke. The pain was real, and all I could think about while trekking through the cold snow in soft fabric shoes, fighting the painfully cold wind, was how much I want my business to be a success. Wanna know what I was going for? Bead caps and eye pins so I can make these:

into necklaces. I found out however, when I got to John Bead, that they were closed. Oh, it was wonderful. *sarcasm* I actually said out loud 'no, no, NO!!' - complete with the defeated smack of my hand against the unyielding cold of the locked door. Then I thought, 'hey! I'll just go to Walmart!' - This is where I got the ice headache - and only to find that nope! Walmart didn't have them!

 The good news is that I did get some business cards done and a couple test-cards to go with the Stone People Medicine. They don't fold right though...but that (I have to keep telling myself) is a problem to be solved another day.

On the short term, I know how much shipping will cost for the stones that fit through the slot of doom so I will be able to get those up hopefully tonight. Tomorrow I will be leaving early to make sure I don't miss old Johnny boy (John Bead) and then I will be getting the caps and pins and by tomorrow I plan on having some necklaces up. Also some earrings because I found a bag of carved feather charms that came from my dad's crafting stuff. I know he wouldn't want them just sitting around in my crafting things when they could be used to provide for his family so that is what I am going to do.

That's another thing I always admired about my dad, he was never greedy. He got what he needed to survive and be successful but that was it. He never really needed material things and whatever he had he usually gave it away when he found someone that he felt it was really meant for. He took his worldly pleasures from the simple things in life, like having his eggs and coffee done the way he liked. Anyway I feel myself getting emotional and I would rather not cry over my key board. Well, too late I guess, lol. It's been a long day. I miss my dad.

Hope you have a good night - stay warm
Oriona

800 VIEWS!!!

Oh my goodness, I just recently looked at my statistics for my blog and realized that The Starchild Diaries is now just past 800 views!! Thank you guys so much for all the support! I really can't express how amazing it is for me that so many people read my blog. When I started it I honestly thought that it wouldn't really amount to anything and I really doubted that very many people would want to read it. This is mainly because I know that my blog - like me - is really all over the place, sometimes I am joking and sometimes I am serious and sometimes I am just weird.  But I was surprised when some of my readers either messaged me or came up to me in person and, if I hadn't written in a while, would point it out to me - they noticed and what's more, they were looking forward to my next post. That struck me as truly amazing and wonderful and made me feel really good about what I was doing. 

I share a lot about myself on this blog, my feelings, thoughts, ideals, and experiences. It doesn't really have a theme, but it is all about my life and who I am as a person. I am really happy that I get to share all this with you. I hope you continue to enjoy to read my articles and one day I hope you enjoy reading my books. :) Again I just want to thank you guys so, so much for all the support - from the bottom of my heart. <3

- Oriona

Valentine's Month - February

Ah, February in Canada, nothing says romance quite like the freezing cold air that makes my face hurt. Not to mention the lovely snow that recently got dropped on us is just ever so delightful in my soaking wet boots. I guess you could say though that this kind of weather is perfect for...cuddling though. ;)

Valentine's Day is just on the 15th, but just like every other major holiday it has become hugely commercialized, and preparation for the day of hearts and flowers begins even before they have played out every single version of our beloved holiday tunes on the radio. Remember the good old days where it was just boxing day? Then it turned into boxing week, and then boxing month which miraculously also stretched way past that - but anyway, I digress. This is going to be an interesting February I think, with the film adaptation of 50 Shades of Grey coming out on - you guessed it - Valentine's Day! I will admit I have read all three books along with the other 99% of the world's heterosexual female population. It doesn't surprise me that the book was and is so popular, I feel like it is becoming more widely acceptable for women to be comfortable with their sexuality. For us not to feel ashamed of ourselves and what we choose to do with our bodies. I laugh when I remember a conversation I had with my adopted grandmother and her absolute shock when I exclaimed that 'I would never marry a guy without sleeping with him first!' - that's like buying a car without test driving it! My mother raised me to feel comfortable with my own body and it makes me sad when I talk to some of my friends and learn that not only are they uncomfortable, but they are also ashamed!

But anyway, I feel a rant coming on and right now I want to talk about VALENTINE'S DAY!! yay woot woot and all that... Anyway, yes, I would say that 50 Shades of Grey was a lot like many romance novels, just a lot more blunt and descriptive. I like that it made openness of sexuality more main stream and I think it will be remembered in history for being a game changer but not as any real literary masterpiece. I mean let's be honest, it started as Twilight fan fiction... enough said. Needless to say that on my other blog Media Reviews by Oriona, although I will not be reviewing the book, I will however be reviewing the movie. I just have to, as a blogger hoping to make a name for myself I would be stupid not to review this movie! I might even make an effort to go on opening day, brave the crowds of hormone crazed ladies who are pining to finally see Christian Grey on the big screen.

For those of you actually celebrating Valentine's Day, have fun and try not to cave under the relentless pressure from the media to buy bigger and more expensive. It is just a day to celebrate love and show extra appreciation for that special someone.

I know that when I post this Valentine's Day is over and I hope you had a good one :)
~Oriona






Photo credits:

https://plumatinteroypapell.wordpress.com/2013/06/25/the-note-english/

Layers

When you get to know a lot of people, you start to become 'known' for something. People know you as 'the nice one' or 'the funny one' - they say things like 'oh, he likes expensive things' or 'she is a little spoiled' or 'he is the nicest person you will ever meet.' I guess we all have a dominant trait that we become known for. But in reality, aren't we all so much deeper than that? The nicest person in the world might also actually be the most selfish, and the spoiled brat who likes expensive things might just turn out to be the most generous and giving person when push comes to shove. So although this dominant trait helps people to know a part of us, there is no real telling of who a person really is when you only get to see one side of them. 

I learned this the hard way with many people. People I knew for years, people I grew up with and thought I knew...they just seemed to change over night. I think that is the only consistent thing in life is that there will always be change. Whether through people or life circumstances or both, change is always there. On the other hand, when we meet people for the first time or even just see them in passing we make judgments about them when we are only seeing a moment of their lives.

A lot of the time I feel like people don't know me very well at all, although they think they do. For as long as I can remember I have been known as the 'sweet naive' girl, which isn't a bad title. But when I got looks of tolerant affection or even unbelieving annoyance when serious conversations came up, I got frustrated. It seemed that because I lived my life with a smile on my face and a positive outlook, people assumed I had never had to deal with any difficulty or heart ache. I had a friend flat out tell me one time that she didn't want to talk to me about something because she felt like I wouldn't understand what she was going though. I think it is true that one person can't truly understand what someone else is feeling because everyone deals with their emotions differently. But we all have similar experiences and in this way we can use those experiences to get relate to each other.

A circumstance happened in the late fall, I was on the bus making my way home from work. It was crowded and people in cramped spaces can become easily irritated. I was standing and holding onto the support bar when I noticed a man sitting down a couple spaces from me. He had on a worn coat and a winter cap. He looked like he had sunken into himself somehow, like if he weren't sitting on the bus seat he would be a puddle on the floor. Most of all, to me he looked defeated and it pulled on my heart. I see a lot of people like this and it hurts me to see others in such pain and not having a way to help. Anyway, shortly after I noticed him, I noticed the tall can of beer he had in a paper sack tucked into his coat. It was open and as I watched, he very discreetly took a sip. Now I know that drinking in public is wrong and illegal, but I all I could think was; what happened to this man that caused him so much pain he couldn't wait to get home (wherever that might be) to open his beer? Another lady noticed and she began harassing him about the beer. Now I could understand her reaction more if he had been drunk or causing a disturbance but he was trying to be discreet and she just drew attention to him where everyone else probably wouldn't have noticed or wouldn't care. I felt bad for him, he didn't look up to arguing. After a few minutes of her badgering him, he just blurts out, 'my wife died last week, we had been married for 37 years.' His voice cracked just saying the words, but the woman didn't care. She kept heckling him because I think all she could see was another homeless drunk. When the bus came to my stop I leaned over and said, "I am so sorry for your loss." The woman looked indignant at me for saying that, and tried to tell me not to feel sorry for him; I didn't care. The minute we stop showing each other compassion and understanding, that will be when we have lost our humanity entirely.



Living in the city, I see a lot of people going about their lives and I try to see them for who they are as an individual; a mother, an artist, a father trying to support his family, or a student worrying about debts, just like me. The thing about people is we get so wrapped up in ourselves that we start to see other people as obstacles; a faceless crowd that we have to maneuver through. We forget that other people are actually people too. When you start to look at each individual person, you really start to realize that everyone has a story and a life they are living. One of my favourite Doctor Who quotes helps me a lot when I am feeling overwhelmed and bitter towards the crowds of Toronto and it goes like this: "900 years of time and space, I have never met anyone who wasn't important." - 11th Doctor


I think the old saying, 'you can't judge a book by its cover' really holds true, especially for people. Don't ever assume you really know a person because there is always so much more than you will ever see.

~Oriona



Picture and quote credits:

http://www.citynews.ca/2008/02/19/extra-ttc-buses-on-the-roads-to-cope-with-rush-hour/

http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/797906-900-years-of-time-and-space-and-i-ve-never-met

http://htekidsnews.com/world-population/

Unrequited

This is a poem I wrote a long time ago. It almost makes me laugh to read it now, but I know it came from a very dark place and to me, this is probably still the best poem I feel I have written...I haven't written any in a long time though which is good because I only write poetry when I am depressed so... anyway, here it is, I hope you like it.

                                 Unrequited

You lie to me                                                           that's alright.

Your
      Broken
          Promises                                                       are like velvet in my ear

Your
      Sinful
          Touch                                                           like fire on my skin.



Your words, I want you...

An invitation I cannot refuse.

So have me,
I am yours

Yours to take,
Yours to use

Use me.

I know the hurt will come, it always does.


But this I can endure because, 

You love me too...                                                              right?




Rest assured this poem is completely irrelevant for me now, but I just wanted to preserve it anyway. I feel that past emotions are important to remember because they have led to where you are now. I want to correct my previous statement, it isn't 'irrelevant' exactly, it is a part of me and these are words from an experience that shaped who I am today and for that, I am grateful.

For anyone reading this poem and possibly relating to it, I want you to know the lesson I took away from this experience. You are never stuck, and you deserve happiness. Your world does not begin or end with another person, it begins with you. The minute you decide to free yourself from any situation that is causing you pain, life gets so much better. Start living for you and the people who are there and actually care for you. When I decided to liberate myself, when I decided that I deserved better and would find better one day, it was so freeing. A weight was lifted and just there, by myself I felt whole. I still do. So don't hold yourself back from happiness, stand up and claim it for yourself.

Never settle for anything less than what is going to make you happy.
~Oriona

Making Pretty Things

Hello there :)

So I hope you guys have been having a good year so far, I have been busy busy busy! Back in November, I went to stay with Scott's parents to help his mom look after his sister's kids while she went on vacation. That was a lot of fun, Janie and I make a really good team and the kids are so sweet and well behaved. After that, I went right from there to my mom's place to look after her while she recovered from surgery - it was nice to have a good long visit with her and my younger brother. While I was there I introduced her to 'Netflixing' and she binge-watched the entire Gilmore Girl series which of course when it was over she had a good long cry because "IT'S OVER!!! :'( " - I found it really funny because I guess I am mean like that.

A few of you may have noticed that I started another blog called Media Reviews by Oriona which is me reviewing books, movies, music, and anything else that I find interesting. Someone on youtube asked me to review his glass ornaments that he makes that are actually really beautiful and the process seems really cool so I am going to look into doing that for him.

the first week of January, my longest and best friend Abi came up from the states to visit which was awesome! She was a little dismayed with the weather, but she had a bit of a "DUH!" minute because, hello? Canada in January... But it was still lots of fun, we went shopping and exploring and saw an IMAX dome movie at the Ontario Science Centre which is like, the coolest place ever and awesomely not that far from where I live :)

Then there was job hunting, and job finding. I am really excited to start work next week! But I am also extremely excited to be re-starting my little craft business of Starchild Creations! (Previously known as Sacred Star Creations) I am starting with a Facebook page and hope to expand to etsy.com and craft shows and things like that. So far I am making Painted Gratitude Stones and Splash Paintings, but very soon I am going to be making those microwavable heating pads and probably some other stuff. I also started writing a new book which in the last week I have written the first two chapters. It is called 'The Darkness' (working title) and it is going to be a supernatural thriller based on a terrifying thing that happened to me when I was little. *scary music*

In May, mom, Stone and I are being flown down (courtesy of my AMAZING big brother) to the beautiful (and hot) state of Arizona to see him graduate and visit him and my sisters!! There is just so much going on right now and I am so incredibly happy and grateful for this wonderful life I live.

Wishing you happiness and love
~Oriona